Go to yoga they said, it will help your anxiety they said. Bull-f*cking shit. Whoops sorry to be harsh.
I do believe that yoga is beneficial and helps many people with their stress and anxiety. I actually LOVE yoga. But for me, the experience is either black or white. I either feel like a new mystical person afterwards, or I have an anxiety attack during it. That my friends happened to me last night.
I was feeling anxious all day. Why? Not sure. But I carried on like I always do, because what other choice do I have, really? I was looking forward to hot yoga all day. And wasn't backing down from going with the hope that it would make me feel better. But the opposite happened. My chest tensed up, my arms felt weak, my head felt foggy. I was in another world. I felt like I was going to have a heart-attack. I seriously thought I was going to pass out. Could other people notice? Could they sense how tense I was?
Oh the thoughts that just increase your anxiety. I was in the front row. I couldn't pass out. How embarrassing would that be? Breathe, just breath...
I continued on not knowing if I was going to make it until the end of class. WHY does my heart-rate keep increasing and increasing (much more than it normally does during this class). As much as a beating heart represents life. I honestly thought I was going to have a heart-attack.
Okay, I'm aware I was in a HOT yoga class. It's pretty intense. I mean, being in a hot room alone will raise your heart-rate, but when you're already experiencing anxiety, it just makes it sky-rocket. Sometimes I go feeling anxious, but focusing on the class calms me down. Nope. Not this time.
What did this experience teach me and what should it teach you?
1. Anxiety is real. Physically and mentally
2. Your body feels like it's going to explode
3. Your mind doesn't stop
4. Anxiety will come at you when you least expect it
5. Not every "calming mechanism" works for everyone
6. You will get through it