I used to be obsessed with the scale. I would weigh myself every single day. Sometimes multiple times a day. If my weight was higher than the day before, even by 0.5lbs, I would be mad, sad, angry. I would take it out on myself, my friends, and my family. I would restrict food even more and exercise for longer. Deep down I had this sick satisfaction with being the thinnest person. Knowing that I weighed less than yesterday made me so happy. I was in control if it. I felt superior. It was sick, but the scale took over my life.
It was like a morning ritual. I HAD to get on the scale as soon as I woke up. I just had to. It became a habit. But just like habits can be made, they can also be broken. I realized it's not healthy or realistic to weigh myself every single day. Weight naturally fluctuates for many reasons that don't even include fat gain.
Factors that make weight fluctuate from day-to-day:
So, how do you get out of the habit of weighing yourself? Start slow. I started by weighing myself every second day. Then only a few times a week. Then only once a week. Eventually I stopped thinking about it. And eventually I stopped obsessing over it all together.
This was all during the time I was "recovering". I was eating more and exercising less. I knew my weight was increasing. Was I okay with it? Yes. Did it still make me anxious? Yes. But I knew that I had to be uncomfortable and face fears in order to be healthy and happy again.
How to deal with weight gain
You need to remember this - weighing yourself and becoming obsessed with your weight being at a certain number is a COMPULSION.
Compulsion - Psychology. a strong, usually irresistible impulse to perform an act, especially one that is irrational or contrary to one's will. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/compulsion?s=t)
Yes. Irrational it was. It is not reality. Deep down you know it doesn't matter. Deep down it's not about the number. It's about something deeper that you're fighting.
If you're underweight, your body is craving calories. It needs those nutrients for your hair to start growing again, for your nails to become stronger, for your skin to become healthier, and for your body to start functioning. I didn't have my period for about a year. Why? Because I had ZERO fat on my body to support it.
The scale going up now meant health. It meant I was becoming "normal" again. It meant my body was happy, and guess what? So was my mind. No longer was I tired by mid-morning. I could actually concentrate on work, school, and socializing. Weight gain meant life.
The scale doesn't measure sexy. The scale doesn't measure how smart or kind you are. It doesn't measure what incredible things you did today. It doesn't measure your worth, or your impact in the world.
You know what measures those things? Yourself. Your mind. How do you feel today? Are you happy? Do you feel satisfied? Accomplished? Do you feel strong? Sexy? Make decisions and evaluate yourself from the inside, not by some stupid scale. The number is irrelevant.
So, my take-home message: It won't be easy, but you need to trust yourself and your body and realize that weight gain does not make you a bad person. It does not mean you are ugly or fat. It means HEALTH.
I know many of you are scared to gain weight, and you think it will be all fat. That you'll blow up like a balloon. I'll be real with you. Some days suck. Some days you feel like a whale. Some days you'll want to give up. But I PROMISE you the weight will balance itself out. Your body is an incredible mechanism.
"Your body cannot change drastically in a few days. Body image may fluctuate quickly and sporadically, but your actual appearance will not".
Give yourself time to adjust to the extra calories. And you know what else will happen? You'll begin to truly listen to your body again. You'll stop resisting hunger. You'll fuel yourself with food, with love.
If you're obsessed with weighing yourself, I challenge you to throw your scale out. Chuck it out the damn door. You don't need it. That may seem scary, but nothing good happens when you're stuck in your comfort zone.
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