On April 3rd I posted a blog called “I Can’t Date You Because I Have an Eating Disorder.” Rewind to March 27th exactly one week before – Eric and I started talking. Since then our relationship has escalated and I’m happy to call him my boyfriend. Pretty ironic that I made that post and now I’m ACTUALLY dating someone? What does that tell me?
I’ve made it clear on my Instagram that Eric is my boyfriend and I’ve also made it clear that I waited 24 and a half years to officially call someone my boyfriend. That surprised many people, but the “I Can’t Date You Because I Have an Eating Disorder” post basically breaks that down for you. But I can explain a little more.
I've always believed in love, but I truly never felt it. I wanted it, but I would never let myself settle. I'm not the type of girl to just be in a relationship for the sake of it. The other person needs to add value to my life. They need to make me work to be a better person. They need to compliment me and I need to do the same for them. I've been on many dates. I've "talked" to many guys, but it always ends the same. It just ends. I never feel anything that I sense a future with. So why waste my time? I'm perfectly okay being on my own until I find the person who makes me feel like I don't want to be alone.
Now here comes Eric. Let’s start from the beginning.
We met at the gym - not surprised at all.
Eric asked me to hangout. My thoughts? This will be the same as any other guy I’ve met – we hangout – it ends before it even begins.
But this time was different. I was like “Steph, give the guy a chance.” So we hung out. And we talked. We talked and talked for HOURS about our lives, about fitness, about our dreams, our goals, and our passions. It was probably the best conversation I’ve ever had with someone.
I left and I was like… shit…
This feels comfortable. This feels good. This is too good to be true. He probably won’t ask me to hangout again. Don’t get my hopes up. This won’t work. It never works.
But it worked. It’s working. Why? Who knows? Maybe the stars aligned. Maybe it’s the right time and the right place for now. Maybe it’s temporary. WHO KNOWS. But I made a promise to myself going into this that I will be 100% honest and open about my ED to him VERY early on. In fact, the first night we hung out, I told him. Did he understand? Nope. Does he now? Nope. And that’s okay. Many guys don’t. Most PEOPLE don’t.
But you know what he does? He tells me to tell him when I’m having a bad body image day. To tell him when I’m feeling off. When we go out to eat at restaurants and I get anxiety about it - he's there for me. He doesn't pressure me. He's just there for me. And you know what else he does? He stares at me. And I look at him and I ask him, “Babe, why are you staring at me?” And he tells me, “Because I can stare at you all I want. You're mine” He tells me I’m beautiful. I tell him that I don’t need to hear it. I don’t need or want validation to feel good about myself. And he says he knows that and he doesn’t care. He tells me those things because that’s what he thinks and that’s what he wants me to know.
Dating was always a chore for me. Hanging out with guys felt like work. I felt like I had to impress. But with Eric, it's never like that. It's comfortable. It's natural and real. And that’s what I wanted. Things just progressed naturally. We are very open with each other. I still do struggle with certain aspects. I still struggle when we go out to eat for dinners. There was one night I cried for a good 30 minutes before we went out, but he just laid there with me and helped me through it. He helps with my ED more than he knows.
Another reason I’ve always waited out on dating someone was because I had always wanted two qualities in a man – passion and motivation. Yes, those are quite vague. But, I don’t care what the guy is passionate and motivated about, those qualities are just so attractive to me. From the first night we met, I KNEW Eric was a passionate, motivated, and dedicated man. He portrays those traits every single day and there’s nothing more attractive about him.
I’ve obviously never been the girl to settle, or to just date to date. I don’t need validation just to cuddle with someone every night. I want that from the RIGHT person. Right now, he’s the right person. He’s the perfect person. Whether he’s in my life for a short amount of time, or for a really long time, I know he’s in my life for a purpose - a strong and important purpose. And I've never felt that from anyone else.
So, ladies, even gents, don’t settle. Wait. Wait for the person who makes you feel like love is easy. Who makes you question why you thought you’d be better off alone. Wait for that person who can’t get enough of you. Who can’t stop touching you. Cuddling you. Loving you. Wait. Because it’s worth so much more than settling.
WOW! This post got super personal and super deep, but many of you asked about it on my Instagram posts, so I thought I’d explain without going into TOO much detail and embarrassing Eric ;)
You know in movies when kids ask adults how they know when they are in love? And they say “you just know.” Well, those movies are right. You just know.
WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING?!
In other life updates (because I haven’t blogged in forever)
I will be at the IDEA Fit Expo July 14 to the 16th at the POPFLEX/POP Pilates Booth with the Blogilates team! So if you are in the area, I WANT TO MEET YOU!
Come to Cassey’s class on Saturday the 16th. Get free tickets HERE.
Become a POP instructor! Join the POP Army! I want to make a more detailed blog post about what it’s like being a POP instructor, but for now checkout all info HERE.
Get in shape for summer! LOL JK Get in shape for LIFE with PIIT28! Get it through this exclusive link HERE.