I TOOK MY SHIRT OFF

I'm extremely insecure. Okay, not as insecure as I used to be. I do have some confidence now. But in the old extreme ED days, having stomach rolls was like forbidden. To me, it meant I was a failure. Even though I knew I had them (everyone does), I wouldn't show them because I wanted to be "perfect." Well NEWS FLASH, STEPH - you're not perfect. And there's no such thing as "perfect." So, yeah.

Sigh. Today I'm cool with wearing a crop top to the gym, but I have never wore just a sports bra. The ONLY time I did was when I was working out in Florida and it was only me and Eric in the hotel gym. And it just seemed more accepted there, you know?

So tonight in Hot Yoga, it was HOT. I'm talking like HOTTER than HOTNESS. I do well with hot. Sometimes I even wear a long sleeve in Hot Yoga. Yeah, I'm crazy I know. But tonight I took off my shirt because I wanted to know that I was comfortable IN MY SKIN.

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I wanted to know what it felt like to know that during crunches or some movements, I did have stomach rolls and that I was okay with it. I wanted to feel the freedom of being okay in my own skin. I wanted to feel free. And that's exactly what it did for me.

Your body is your most prized possession. It's you. It takes you places, it lets you live and learn and work and be you. You need to be okay with it.

When I look at these two photos, I see such a difference. In the first, I see someone who wanted to be the smallest person in the room. I wanted to weight as little as I could. I wanted to escape from the world. In the second picture, I see happiness. I see my eyes squinting together because I'm so happy. I also see a stomach roll. But I know that that stomach is strong. My mind is strong.

Fight for balance.

xo

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